Birth Story: Alora Marsali
First Birth
This story begins two years prior with my first homebirth transfer ending in an emergency C-section. I had a different midwife at the time. I did everything right. I read all the books and listened to all the podcasts. I exercised, watched my weight, did yoga and Spinning Babies daily, followed Whole Food Pregnancy, ate buckets of dates, drank boatloads of red raspberry leaf tea, got regular massages and adjustments with a Webster certified chiropractor, hired doulas. ALL. THE. THINGS. But my baby was consistently ROA.
I went into labor at 41+1 with intense and frequent contractions right out of the gate. I went to 8 cm in about 10 hours and then backtracked to 5 cm where I stayed. At 24 hours in, my midwife told me that I was exhausted and I needed to transfer to the hospital to get an epidural and therapeutic rest or she’d have to leave. I transfered to Northside Gwinnett but due to Covid protocols they didn't allow my doula to come with me. After the epidural they launched the cascade of interventions by immediately breaking my water and administering pit instead of letting me rest.
The heart rate monitor was absolutely impossible to keep on even while I was immobilized by the epidural and we kept losing the baby's heart rate every few minutes. I made it to 9 or 10 cm but the baby started experiencing decels and I was rushed off to the OR like they do in the Hollywood movies. I was never actually sure if there were really decels or if the heart rate monitor had just dropped off the baby again but my husband and I were genuinely afraid that either myself or the baby was going to die based on the way the staff reacted. They found the heart beat again after I was already prepped and strapped down and I had the nerve to ask if we still had to go through with the c-section. The answer was yes.
While they cut me open, they chit chatted and joked with each other. I shook uncontrollably and couldn't catch my breath, convinced that I was having an adverse reaction to the anesthesia and was going to die. I kept saying “I can't breathe” and “Is something wrong” but I was ignored. I didn't get to hold Elowen for a while after she was pulled out of me. In recovery, a nurse told me how lucky I was that I decided to go to the hospital when I did. Lucky…
After my first failed homebirth, I couldn't seem to get answers on why things went the way they did beyond poor positioning and bad luck. Naturally I had a lot of anxiety about positioning and unfortunately, my second baby, Alora, also preferred the right side. It wasn't until the end of my pregnancy that I learned that my first baby had been asynclitic and exactly what that meant. Understanding how difficult asynclitic births are helped me come to terms with my c-section and gave me hope that even though Alora was ROP, I still might be able to have my hbac as long as she wasn't asynclitic.
Second Birth
Contractions began at 40+1 on the morning of July 9. They were mild, period-like cramps ranging from 6-20 minutes apart and remaining tolerable in strength throughout the day. My birth team included Shoshanah Blaiss, CNM; Jill Snelson, CPM; Melissa Colatatsi as my doula; and Dr. Cheney Daniel as my chiropractor. I communicated with them via a group message that things were happening and they encouraged me to rest as much as possible. In the evening the contractions increased in duration and frequency but were still not completely consistent. I was having trouble resting so I took some children's Benadryl at 11 pm. Earlier, I had been breathing through contractions but by midnight they got more intense and were coming about every 4 minutes. I began to get nervous that I might have the baby before my birth team arrived. I had heard so many times that subsequent babies come faster so I was really anxious about when to call in the midwives. I communicated this to my doula Melissa and she assured me that she would help me know when to call Shoshanah.
My doula arrived at about 1 am on July 10 and encouraged me to rest. After she arrived, my contractions petered out which caught me completely off guard. I had thought that it was showtime. I was convinced that I'd have the baby that night. My doula left about 3 am. I was disappointed and discouraged and felt like all of the work I had put in the last 24 hours had been for nothing. I was terrified that I was going to be doomed with days and days of prodromal labor. I slept for about an hour. At 5:30 I began losing my mucus plug. At some point on the morning of July 10 contractions returned. Throughout the day I felt a lot of pressure when I was upright and just felt overall pretty uncomfortable.
My husband drove me to my scheduled appointment with my midwives at 11 am. I had been practicing Hypnobabies for months and visualizing a short, easy, comfortable birth and none of that was happening. I was already 24 hours in with no end in sight. I shared my feelings of disappointment and defeat with my wonderful midwives and they assured me that my body was making progress and that the work I had put in over the last day had not been for nothing. I requested a cervical check. I was 4 cm dilated, 90% effaced, and baby was station 0. This news was massively encouraging and I left feeling more positive.
Contractions picked up again on the ride home. Many were 4 or 6 minutes apart with some 10 or 20 minutes apart. The team told me to eat and try to rest but I found it impossible to rest during contractions no matter how far apart they were.
By 4 pm the intensity had increased to a point where I was struggling. Contractions were 2-4 minutes apart and lasting about 40 seconds. My doula recommended that I do the Miles Circuit. After completing the circuit, I tried leaning on the ball a bit but mostly laid in bed because the pressure from being vertical was so painful. At 7 pm I mentioned how nice an epidural would be. Shoshanah arrived at 9 pm. Eventually my doula Melissa and Shoshanah’s partner midwife, Jill, arrived. They brought a ton of energy, strength, positivity, and excitement to the space, all the things that I wasn't able to summon within myself.
At 10:30 pm I got in the pool and that provided some relief. I was breathing through the contractions, holding my doula’s hand and my husband’s hand, and able to relax between contractions.
Later, my doula began pouring warm water over my back intuitively and that helped tremendously. I couldn't have communicated that I wanted that so I'm glad she knew exactly what to do and took the initiative to do it without me asking. As the hours passed and the contractions became relentless, I started to feel increasingly more discouraged and hopeless. My husband turned on my music and to my surprise, that gave me my second wind. Again, I didn't know that I wanted or needed music but it helped a great deal to lift my spirits. I was laboring in the tub in a forward leaning position and my doula recommended that I alternate raising one leg during contractions to help bring baby down. This of course increased the pain so I was apprehensive. I vividly recall that at some point I got a burst of adrenaline that made me feel really powerful during the move rather than tentative and scared which had been the predominant vibe up to that point and after. That burst of energy could have been attributed to the honey packet that Shoshanah gave me paired with the sweet jams emanating from the Bluetooth speaker.
From this point on, labor was a blur of excruciating and relentless pain. Hypnobabies was not up for this. There was nothing calm or comfortable about it. There was absolutely no way that this pain could be characterized as “pressure.” I am not proud of how I coped. I didn't feel empowered. And this process didn’t look or feel beautiful. I felt completely out of control, childish, desperate, whiny, and incredibly weak. I begged for someone to tell me when this would end. I knew that no one could anticipate that but I would have been happy if someone had straight up lied to me. Not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the idea of an indeterminate amount of suffering, was really hard for me to handle. I said things like “Help me,” “I'm dying,” and “I can't do this.” Suddenly, my previous c-section wasn't looking so bad afterall. I told my husband that I was foolish to think this was a good idea. That this was a huge mistake. Multiple times I said that I wanted to go to the hospital. I even suggested calling 911. I genuinely did not believe I could do it. I gave up 100 times, but my team and my husband never gave up on me.
By 1 am on July 11 I was 8 cm dilated. I asked how we could expedite the process and we began discussing manually breaking my water. At 1:40 am Shoshanah broke my water. At 3 am my Webster certified chiropractor Dr. Cheney Daniel arrived to adjust me and stayed to support me for the duration of the labor. At 4:30 am I was 9 cm dilated but I had a stubborn cervical lip. Shoshonah identified the issue and quickly addressed it before it became a game changer. She used Arnica, manually moved it multiple times, and gave me Benadryl to reduce the swelling. My team asked me if I felt the urge to push but I never did. The pain was so overwhelming that it was all my brain could register. I tried a few weak attempts at pushing in the birth pool before my midwives told me to get on the bed. I was given more honey and homeopathic medicines.
At this point, I had completely lost control, was panicking, and unable to breathe through contractions on my own. I’m not sure if the chaos was in my brain or in the room but it felt like everyone on the team was yelling. That I could do this. That everything is ok. Regardless, I was spiraling. Jill put herself face to face with me and told me to focus on her, to stay with her, and proceeded to give me the biggest pep talk of my life. That grounded me. I started to spiral again and Melissa's voice pierced through the noise to help me control my breathing. Later, Eric's voice also came through, reminding me to breathe between pushes.
At 5:30 am I began pushing on my back on the bed which is not what I would have ever envisioned for myself. I had no idea how to push since I hadn't made it this far in my last birth. The team told me to hold my legs back and push three times during contractions. Melissa provided more nuanced instructions such as keeping my elbows up like chicken wings and keeping my knees in rather than out. Shoshanah told me I needed to push the baby under my pubic bone which helped me visualize where to put the energy. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't feel the contractions. Jill helped me know when the contractions were building so I could start pushing. I had been really scared of this phase since I had assumed that the pain would be so much worse since this was the apex of labor but in reality pushing felt amazing and was a huge relief. I had not anticipated the amount of intense pressure I felt BETWEEN pushes though. It felt like my bones were going to break apart. The team said the baby's head was coming and I was able to reach down and feel it. It was at that moment that I told myself that I was going to get this baby out in ONE more round of pushes. I felt a burning sensation which was the ring of fire as Alora's head was born. With all my might and every ounce of strength I had left, I pushed her body out in the very next push which I think surprised everyone. I knew you were supposed to birth the baby slowly to prevent tearing but I was D-O-N-E and willing to tear if it meant this would be over.
Alora Marsali was born at 6:31 am, after 48 hours of labor (1 hour of pushing), right as my toddler Elowen woke up. I was told later that Elowen heard Alora’s first cry and a huge smile came across her face. Alora was LOA with a double nuchal chord and knot-like structures in her chord. She was pulled up to my chest and let out her first cry there. I know it's silly, but after all of that I was still completely shocked that Alora was real, that she was here, and that I had birthed her. I never believed that I could actually do it until I saw her. She was beautiful and perfect.
The mood in the room was joyous. I was surrounded by amazing people that had carried me across the finish line. There was my strong and steady husband who never left my side. There was this awe inspiring group of wise women who met every challenge expertly with a solution, and who possessed what seemed like an infinite capacity for compassion. They believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. They were my external confidence. I've never felt so supported and loved in all my life.
As we waited for the placenta, the team commented on how good of a pusher I was. I told them, “I'm built for strength, not endurance,” which everyone seemed to get a kick out of.
I had a few minor lateral labial tears so Jill spent time painstakingly stitching me up as Shoshanah cleaned. Jill helped me to the shower and afterward I settled back into bed. Eric brought Elowen in to meet the baby. She was beside herself with excitement and so proud of her new baby sister!
Recovery
Recovery after a vaginal birth wasn’t as easy as I was led to believe it would be. My entire body was sore and every bathroom experience for nearly two weeks involved some level of pain. As if postpartum with a toddler and no support system wasn't hard enough, I got shingles due to the stress of labor! Shingles are horrible, but on the bright side, they took my mind off the tears. My c-section baby actually nursed better than my vbac baby. Finally, I didn't feel the burst of oxytocin or adrenaline that others have described experiencing after labor.
SHORT
My HBAC Birth Story!
TLDR: 48 hour HBAC. Mentions of prior trauma, prior C-section, pain, poor positioning, and minor tearing.
First Birth
This story begins two years prior with my first homebirth transfer ending in an emergency C-section despite being well informed and doing everything right. I went into labor at 41+1, progressing to 8 cm in about 10 hours, then backtracking to 5 cm. Baby had been consistently ROA so positioning had been a concern. At 24 hours in, my midwife told me that I was exhausted and I needed to transfer to the hospital to get an epidural and rest or she’d have to leave. I went to Northside Gwinnett but due to Covid protocols they didn't allow my doula to come with me. After the epidural they launched the cascade of interventions and pushed pit.
I made it to 9 or 10 cm but the baby started experiencing heart decels and I was rushed to the OR like they do in the Hollywood movies. I thought this was it. Either my baby or I was going to die. They found the heart beat again after I was already prepped and strapped down. I asked if we still had to go through with the c-section. The answer was yes.
While they cut me open, they chit chatted and joked with each other. I shook uncontrollably and couldn't catch my breath, convinced that I was having an adverse reaction to the anesthesia and was going to die. I kept saying “I can't breathe” and “Is something wrong” but I was ignored. I didn't get to hold my baby for a while after she was pulled out of me. In recovery, a nurse told me how lucky I was that I decided to go to the hospital. Lucky…
After my first failed homebirth, I couldn't seem to get answers on why things went the way they did beyond poor positioning and bad luck. Naturally I had a lot of anxiety about positioning and unfortunately, my second baby also preferred the right side. It wasn't until the end of my pregnancy that I learned that my first baby had been asynclitic. Understanding how difficult asynclitic births are helped me come to terms with my c-section and gave me hope that even though this baby was ROP, I still might be able to have my hbac.
Second Birth
Contractions began at 40+1 on the morning of July 9. They were mild, period-like cramps ranging from 6-20 minutes apart and remaining tolerable in strength throughout the day. My birth team included Shoshanah Blaiss, CNM; Jill Snelson, CPM; Melissa Colatatsi as my doula; and Dr. Cheney Daniel as my chiropractor. They encouraged me to rest as much as possible. I had been breathing through contractions but by midnight they got more intense and were coming about every 4 minutes.
My doula arrived at about 1 am on July 10 but my contractions petered out. I was convinced that it was showtime and I'd have the baby that night but nope. My doula left about 3 am. I was disappointed and discouraged and felt like all of the work I had put in the last 24 hours had been for nothing. I slept for about an hour. At 5:30 am I began losing my mucus plug. At some point on the morning of July 10 contractions returned. Throughout the day I felt a lot of pressure when I was upright and felt really uncomfortable.
My husband drove me to my scheduled appointment with my midwives at 11 am. I had been practicing Hypnobabies for months and visualizing a short, easy, comfortable birth and none of that was happening. I was already 24 hours in with no end in sight. I shared my feelings of disappointment and defeat with my midwives and they assured me that my body was making progress and that the work I had put in over the last day had not been for nothing. I was 4 cm dilated, 90% effaced, and baby was station 0. This news was encouraging and I left feeling more positive.
Contractions picked up again on the ride home. Many were 4 or 6 minutes apart with some 10 or 20 minutes apart. The team told me to eat and try to rest but I found it impossible to rest during contractions no matter how far apart they were.
By 4 pm the intensity had increased to a point where I was struggling. Contractions were 2-4 minutes apart and lasting about 40 seconds. My doula recommended that I do the Miles Circuit. After completing the circuit, I tried leaning on the ball a bit but mostly laid in bed because the pressure from being vertical was so painful. At 7 pm I mentioned how nice an epidural would be. Shoshanah arrived at 9 pm. Eventually my doula Melissa and Shoshanah’s partner midwife, Jill, arrived. They brought a ton of energy, strength, positivity, and excitement to the space, all the things that I wasn't able to summon within myself.
At 10:30 pm I got in the pool and that provided some relief. I was breathing through the contractions, holding my doula’s hand and my husband’s hand, and able to relax between contractions.
Later, my doula began pouring warm water over my back and that helped tremendously. As the hours passed and the contractions became relentless, I started to feel increasingly more discouraged. My husband turned on my music and to my surprise, that gave me my second wind. I was laboring in the tub in a forward leaning position and my doula recommended that I alternate raising one leg during contractions to help bring baby down. This increased the pain so I was apprehensive. I vividly recall that at some point I got a burst of adrenaline that made me feel really powerful during the move rather than tentative and scared which had been the predominant vibe up to that point. That energy could have been attributed to the honey that Shoshanah gave me paired with the sweet jams emanating from the Bluetooth speaker.
From this point on, labor was a blur of excruciating and relentless pain. Hypnobabies was not up for this. There was nothing calm or comfortable about it. There was absolutely no way that this pain could be characterized as “pressure.” I am not proud of how I coped. I didn't feel empowered. And this process didn’t look or feel beautiful. I felt completely out of control, desperate, whiny, and weak. I begged for someone to tell me when this would end. Not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the idea of an indeterminate amount of suffering, was really hard for me to handle. Suddenly, my previous c-section wasn't looking so bad afterall. I told my husband that I was foolish to think this was a good idea. That this was a huge mistake. Multiple times I said that I wanted to go to the hospital. I even suggested calling 911. I genuinely did not believe I could do it. I gave up 100 times, but my team and my husband never gave up on me.
By 1 am on July 11 I was 8 cm dilated. At 1:40 am Shoshanah broke my water. At 3 am my Webster certified chiropractor Dr. Cheney Daniel arrived to adjust me and stayed to support me. At 4:30 am I was 9 cm dilated but I had a stubborn cervical lip. Shoshonah identified the issue and quickly addressed it before it became a game changer. She used Arnica, manually moved it multiple times, and gave me Benadryl to reduce the swelling. My team asked me if I felt the urge to push but I never did. The pain was so overwhelming that it was all my brain could register. I tried a few weak attempts at pushing in the birth pool before my midwives told me to get on the bed. I was given more honey and homeopathic medicines.
At this point, I had completely lost control, was panicking, and unable to breathe through contractions on my own. I’m not sure if the chaos was in my brain or in the room but it felt like everyone on the team was yelling. That I could do this. That everything is ok. Regardless, I was spiraling. Jill put herself face to face with me and told me to focus on her, to stay with her, and proceeded to give me the biggest pep talk of my life. That grounded me. I started to spiral again and Melissa's voice pierced through the noise to help me control my breathing. Later, Eric's voice also came through, reminding me to breathe between pushes.
At 5:30 am I began pushing on my back on the bed which is not what I would have ever envisioned for myself. I had no idea how to push since I hadn't made it this far in my last birth. The team told me to hold my legs back and push three times during contractions. Melissa provided more nuanced instructions such as keeping my elbows up like chicken wings and keeping my knees in rather than out. Shoshanah told me I needed to push the baby under my pubic bone which helped me visualize where to put the energy. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't feel the contractions. Jill helped me know when the contractions were building so I could start pushing. I had been really scared of this phase since I had assumed that the pain would be so much worse since this was the apex of labor but in reality pushing felt amazing and was a huge relief. I had not anticipated the amount of intense pressure I felt BETWEEN pushes though. It felt like my bones were going to break apart. The team said the baby's head was coming and I was able to reach down and feel it. It was at that moment that I told myself that I was going to get this baby out in ONE more round of pushes. I felt a burning sensation which was the ring of fire as baby's head was born. With all my might and every ounce of strength I had left, I pushed her body out in the very next push!
Alora Marsali was born at 6:31 am, after 48 hours of labor (1 hour of pushing), right as my toddler woke up. I was told later that she heard Alora’s first cry and a huge smile came across her face. Alora arrived LOA via the long way around, with a double nuchal chord and cool knot-like structures in her chord. She was pulled up to my chest and let out her first cry there. I know it's silly, but after all of that I was still completely shocked that she was real, that she was here, and that I had birthed her. I never believed that I could actually do it. She was beautiful and perfect.
The mood in the room was joyous. I was surrounded by amazing people that had carried me across the finish line. There was my strong and steady husband who never left my side. There was this awe inspiring group of wise women who met every challenge expertly with a solution, and who possessed what seemed like an infinite capacity for compassion. They believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. They were my external confidence. I've never felt so supported and loved in all my life.
As we waited for the placenta, the team commented on how good of a pusher I was. I told them, “I'm built for strength, not endurance,” which everyone seemed to get a kick out of.
I had a few minor labial tears so Jill spent time painstakingly stitching me up as Shoshanah cleaned. Jill helped me to the shower and afterward I settled back into bed. Eric brought our toddler in to meet the baby. She was beside herself with excitement and so proud of her new baby sister!